After 6 years, 5 months and 11 days of heartache and longing, my life flipped in a moment on June 11, when I got the official news that a beautiful, incredible little girl would finally, FI-NA-LLY be my daughter!!!!! I got the unofficial news on June 5 around 5 a.m., at the airport, by myself (!!), on the way to meet a friend in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. I wanted to shout the news into the microphone for all the strangers waiting at the gate, but nobody would have understood everything that went into that moment, nor would they have cared! Nonetheless, I had the most JOYful vacation, bookended by the two greatest e-mails of my life. I was all over the map (literally and emotionally!) in Mexico, writing pieces of this post throughout the week. My body has landed back home and signed the acceptance papers, and my mind knows that it's real now, but my spirit is floating somewhere it's never been and I'm not sure it will ever come back down.
My daughter's given names are Mai Suong. Mai means "flower" or "blossom". Suong is the word for "JOY". I have long maintained that I would keep my child's name, since it would be given by her previous family. But I also spent some time secretly hoping that she would be a Mai, because it's my favourite Vietnamese name. I love the sound of the word and I am crazy about flowers, which are Mother Nature's most beautiful work. I also decided years ago that I would add Suong as one of my future daughter's middle names, because Joy is my mom's and my middle name. The fact that Mai Suong was out there under the same moon, waiting for me to be her forever mom, is just one of many miracles in our story.
Mai turned 5 years old on May 21. She lives at Go Vap orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City, where she has been for about a year. I have actually been matched with her since September 29, 2012 (!!), in the special needs stream; but under the new adoption law in Vietnam, "older" is not a special need until a child's 5th birthday. It wasn't as simple as just waiting for May 21--the wait for Mai within the wait for a family was a torturous ride on a roller coaster built on a roller coaster, taken by someone who is terrified of heights--but that no longer matters.
Many moons before last September 29, I was asked if I would consider a certain little girl, who was nameless and faceless to me at the time. There were some unknowns, so I took time to think about it. Until then I had not been comfortable with much risk, but something inside told me that this girl was meant to be mine. I said yes, but then things changed and a match was no longer possible. I had to survive yet another blow and put my heart back in line. But as the weeks and months went by, I kept thinking about this child. So I asked my agency about her, and learned that if I was willing to wait until her birthday, we could be matched! I agreed, and received an e-mail with the subject MAI SUONG, and photos and videos of the most perfect little flower I have ever seen. My head understood what my heart already knew.
The day I got the unofficial news, I arrived in Playa and went for a walk as I waited for my friend. Around the corner from our hotel, I passed a store called Pacha Mama. Pacha was the middle name I was going to give to the Ecuadoran daughter who was stolen out from under me four years ago. In Mayan languages, Pacha is nature, creation, the universe. I know it's not a coincidence that I learned I was a mom and received a reminder of Pacha on the same day. I believe in signs, and this one was literal! For this Mama, Mai is the universe in a single bloom.
The journey to my family has been something that my worst nightmares couldn't even design. But the deeper the darkness, the brighter the light. My heart is so JOYful right now, I can only describe it as winning the Olympics, the lottery and the Nobel prize all at once. For those reading this who are still waiting, may my story help you have faith that your family is out there, and inspire you to keep fighting for the little one who needs you as much as you need him or her. I promise you that love wins, if you never stop believing what your heart is telling you.
"At this very moment, the world is blossoming into its infinite variety before falling silent in amazement at the miracle it has just achieved."
-Deepak Chopra
