75 months

Today is my 75-month wait-iversary. One would think that there should be a solid reason why it takes 75 months plus to give a family to a child who needs one. Maybe there are not enough orphans in the world to fill the homes of the waiting parents? Maybe the waiting parents all have evil intentions of trafficking children or using them as servants or removing their organs? Maybe all the waiting parents are using unethical means to arrange adoptions? Maybe all the countries that are turning against adoption are doing so because they can suddenly, magically take care of all their orphans?

There are about 100 million orphans in the world. And that estimate only includes the ones that are known, or fit into someone's arbitrary defnition of "orphan". All the waiting families that I have ever met go through years of personal hell, pay ridiculous fees, give up all privacy and jump through a zillion hoops for the chance to love one of those children. Period. We cannot arrange anything on our own, ethical or not, because the law forces us to use a licensed agency. The system is supposed to regulating those agencies and other stakeholders in sending and receiving countries to make sure they're operating ethically. There are more orphans than ever in the world, but thanks to UNICEF, the Hague Convention and a broken, senseless system, the chances of any of them getting a forever family have become almost impossible. For more on this topic, please watch the documentary Stuck, which is available at www.bothendsburning.org.

Last night, on the eve of 75, I came across a movie called La Misma Luna, the English translation of which is Under the Same Moon. For obvious reasons, I was drawn in by the title. Although it isn't a film about adoption, it was just what I needed to see. This is a movie about a single Mexican mother who is working illegally in the United States to give her son back home a better life. She always tells Carlitos that no matter how far away she is, they are still under the same moon. He is too young to understand why they cant't be together, and he begins to wonder whether she loves him. When his grandmother dies, he runs away to find his mother, and along the way he meets his biological father and a few people who help and care for him like he is their own child. I loved everything about this movie, but I was really moved by all the different kinds of love shown to Carlitos by the people in his life, his mother's commitment to him, and his need to be protected and guided in her absence. I came away feeling inspired, imagining my daughter dreaming of family under the same moon, praying for her protection while we're apart, and believing that somehow, against all odds, my love will bring her home.

the desert

The desert will rejoice, and flowers will bloom in the wastelands.

-Isaiah 35

Denmark, Spain and U.S.

I just wanted to let you know what I found this morning because, at this point, everyone is really discouraged and needs any reason at all to keep the faith. The Danish agency Danadopt's latest post is that one of its families has accepted a referral from Bac Kan province (although there is no indication whether it is from the regular or special needs list).  Also, the Spanish agency Creixer Junts has posted that it received one referral from Vietnam in February (again, no idea as to which list), and added (translation by Google and I):

"In Vietnam we are hoping that we receive the quota for 2013. We believe that we will receive it in March. From our existing cases we only have 3 families waiting for older children. In April we will travel to that country to see about the possibility of completing those cases." (good luck to them...if it's that easy why isn't everyone doing this?)

As I have mentioned once before, my agency said long ago that there are no more quotas, so I don't understand why other agencies keep waiting for them. Maybe my agency is the only one that will not be given quotas? I don't know why this would be, especially since the new system is supposed to regularize the process across the board.

While I was away, I read (thanks to free wifi in the jungle) that U.S. authorities met with the Vietnamese government and announced that adoptions between the two countries should resume shortly after a shutdown several years ago. A few weeks ago, I wrote about a similar announcement from Ireland. I don't know what these countries are basing their predictions on, but I do know that there are still *thousands* of families from Canada, Spain, France, Italy and Denmark who have been waiting our turn for years and years. I also know that Canada, at least, is still stuck in round 1 after all this time, and that, based on the speed of round 1, all the other rounds from our country and all the others certainly won't be completed "shortly" to make room for new applicants or "new" (aka not currently operating) countries.

Here's hoping that jabiru delivers some JOY-ful news our way in March 2013.

back from Belize

I just returned from an incredible vacation in beautiful Belize, and I brought back some good news. No, not the JOYful news I'm waiting for, but it's all pointing in that direction.

First, after watching for the stork for more than six years, I found him in Crooked Tree, Belize. In fact, I found lots of them--enoughfor all the waiting parents I know. My stork, the bird on the right in the photo below, is the endangered jabiru. He has an average wing span of 8-10 feet, which he will need to carry my girl across an ocean and half way around the world to me.

Second, 13--as in 2013--is not the unlucky number that we know in our culture. In the Mayan culture, which has existed in Central America for thousands of years, this number is sacred. For the Mayans, 13 is the galactic prime number and the key to time itself. They believe that there are 13 levels of heaven where sacred gods ruled the earth; these include the god of love and childbirth, and the gods of light, birth and dawn. Despite my paralyzing fear of heights, I climbed to the top of the temple below at the ruins of Lamanai and asked the gods to send me my girl this year.

After my mainland tour, I spent three days on an "unbelizeable" island called Half Moon Caye. The next photo is the full moon at dusk on my last night on a perfect moon-shaped island. Obviously I believe that the moon and stars have a central part in my adoption story, and this photo captures an amazing moment when I felt very connected to my girl, and amazed by the beauty of the universe. Between the vegetation and the ocean, there are giant round sea turtle nests where mamma turtles will return after crossing the ocean to lay their eggs under the stars. I wondered that night if the tide was turning on my daughter's side of the planet to bring her across a different ocean to the nest where she was always meant to be. I'll never know, but I do know that someday I will bring her to this island, to experience the magic of my new favourite place in the world.

I could go on and on about the wonders of Belize, but sometimes another person's words say it best:

To see the world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

-William Blake



notes from the globe

I was looking around today for any signs of life in Vietnam, and found two baffling updates. In Ireland, the two agencies that are licensed to start processing adoptions under the new law held an info session about 10 days ago. Apparently they said that Vietnam will accept their first dossiers in March. Which would mean, in my mind (a fair place) that all the families from all the other countries who were waiting their turn before the 2010 shutdown (and there are 1000s of them) will complete their adoptions before March (i.e., within the next 2 weeks). I'm not even going to entertain that those 1000s of people would be bumped for new dossiers (although I believe there are some Irish families who have been in limbo since Vietnam-Irish adoptions stopped a few years before they stopped for everyone else).

One of the bloggers in France that I follow posted that there are rumours that Vietnam plans to have the "legacy" cases (i.e., those who lost referrals when Vietnam shut down, and those whose dossiers were logged in before the shutdown) completed by June. I don't know if this means just her agency's legacy cases, all of France's legacy cases, or all of them in all receiving countries, but I got the impression that it meant the global ALL. Again, it's just a rumour and the families she knows don't seem to have too much faith in what they are hearing, considering June is just a few months away, there are still many of these cases, and the regular program has barely started moving after all this time.

Also,on the more realistic side, the Canadian agency Children's Bridge indicated in their February monthly update that Vietnam continues to ask if their families will accept special needs children, and that they expect the regular program to remain slow.

I don't mean to discourage people; I just believe that waiting families deserve to know as much information as possible so they can make the best decisions in the circumstances. I don't have any idea how different countries, agencies and families could have such wildly different updates, but this is what seems to happen when a source country is silent.

On a personal note, this has been a long, difficult winter on many fronts so my bags are packed and I'm heading south tomorrow. I hope that I'll return from the islands and jungles of Belize to some JOYful news that good things are happening in the east!

year of the snake

Happy Vietnamese New Year! Chuc mung nam moi! What does the year of the snake hold for me and other rats? There are all kinds of predictions online, so, of course, I picked the best ones:

"Fortunate lucky stars are shining on you in the Year of the Water Snake 2013. A vast improvement from last year 2012. The year 2013 holds out great promises and good things for you as your success luck is high. There’s indication of upward mobility and promotion for many Rat-born. Flanked by not one, but two Big Auspicious Stars from the 24 mountains compass in your Horoscope chart, you can expect to enjoy two significant events or good news in year 2013, usually in the form of sudden opportunities opening up, winning a big award or prize, or boost of income and windfall luck, that will transform your life for the better."

and

"This is a prosperous year for you. Expand and expand. You should stay mobile."

To be honest, I could not care less right now about a promotion or financial boost (I wouldn't say no if they fell into my lap but they're definitely not my focus). But I do I love everything to do with stars, so what could be better than two auspicious ones when I've never needed them more? I have to believe that one of those stars is a referral and the other is the big JOYful event for which I have been waiting, well, forever.

This lunar year, may we see many wishes to the stars come true, much windfall luck, lots of mobile parents and children, and many hearts and families JOYously expanding.

the goal of life

Joy, rather than happiness, is the goal of life, for joy is the emotion which accompanies our fulfilling our natures as human beings. It is based on the experience of one's identity as a being of worth and dignity.

-Rollo May



At this point in my journey, I wake up every morning and fight to make it through each day with the singular goal of JOY. I know with certainty that I am supposed to fulfill my loving nature through adoption. I just wish I could understand why something that is supposed to bring joy into my life brings mostly everything but. Dragon God, if you're still out there, please send my miracle soon. Cảm ơn!!