quick travel ahead

Two families with my agency that recently received referrals (1 special needs program, 1 regular program) have posted that they will be travelling to Vietnam "within a month"!!

Similar news has been posted on the Danadopt agency website in Denmark:  "We are pleased to announce that the two families who accepted a child in August, have been asked to travel to Vietnam to retrieve the child. Families should arrive in about 14 days."

This is an amazing development, considering I know of a family that had to wait about a year to travel for their child with a serious medical need during Vietnam's transition period.
 
Finally, magic and miracles are happening! 

patience

I was happy today to read on Francesca's blog that our agency, TDH, has received another referral from the regular program, for a girl just over two years old.  With each referral for round 1, I feel that I'm getting a little closer to having my round 2 dossier assigned to a province for matching.  Who knows, really, but that's how I keep sane.

My patience has been thin this past week (I don't know how much one could possibly have after 5 years, 8 months and 3 weeks), but Alanis Morissette has been my Guardian.  When I first heard this song, I thought it was about being a mom (keeper for life, warrior of care, angel on call).  Then I saw the video and I thought maybe it was about looking after any of the people you love.  Then I read the lyrics and figured it must be about a higher power.  The more I listen, the more I don't know what she means (thank you, Alanis, for brilliant lyrics that make people think and feel so much). And, the more I DO know that every word is resonating with me at this moment in my life as I deal with the pain of my first adoption and this inhumane wait, and long to be my daughter's keeper for life.

I hope this song inspires other waiting parents out there.  We all need to be there for one another, keep holding on, and have faith that someone greater is watching over us and our children.

Guardian

You, you who has smiled when you’re in pain

You who has soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down

So why, why would you talk to me at all
Such words were dishonorable and in vain
Their promise as solid as a fog

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

You, you in the chaos feigning sane
You who has pushed beyond what’s humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

Now no more smiling mid crestfall
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm

Now enter your watchwoman

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

news for the seekers

Sangria to celebrate good news from Spain, from the ACI agency.  For some reason I'm not able to copy and paste the translation of their post, but I can tell you that they have received 3 referrals from Vietnam.



Thanks for the comment Francesca! I'm adding spumanti to celebrate Italy's NAAA (agency? association?), which received its "first referrals" for round 1 from Vietnam on September 18.  I am in round 2 but none of those dossiers have left the DA yet, and I am told it could take months.  Nonetheless, I am happy tonight for Italy and Spain, and the children who will finally have forever homes in those wonderful countries.



An empty wallet seems fitting for the bad news:  the fee that Vietnam is now charging families for orphanage care is $3000 (paid to the DA).  I understand that the DA is also allowing orphanages to request additional funds from us, that they vary by location, and that they are higher than in the past.  I don't have any more information than this, but if anyone knows or learns more, please let me know.

(Thanks to the people who posted these photos that I got from Google images.  I hope they're not copyrighted because, as you have just read, I can't afford to pay you.  Maybe I could have, back in the days when international adoption was "just" $15K or $20K, but then in 2009 Imagine Adoption "allegedly" stole everything from me and I had to start all over again, and over the past three years the cost has exploded.  I used "allegedly" there not because they didn't steal everything from me, but because they haven't been convicted yet and, knowing them, they would sue me for not using "allegedly".  Actually, I don't know why I am concerned about their suing me--I'm no longer worth anything.)

frustration

This is where I want to be, metaphorically (FYI I'm terrified of heights and I like my nature flat):



on the top of my Mount Everest, finally able to exclaim into my oxygen mask a quote like this one:

"I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy." -Tony Robbins


But instead this is where I am:


feeling tired and frustrated, like a salmon swimming upstream to spawn... for the past 68 months.  I know that this week is the crash after last week's high of learning about the first few referrals out of Vietnam.  I also know, after surviving what I did in 2009, that I can get through this and pretty much anything else.  I'm trying to keep the faith that this journey is leading me to my girl, the one that was always meant to be mine, the one that will allow me to understand why I have to go through all this.  But it's really tough to do without any progress in my case or any sense of a timeline.  I'm calling on the Dragon God tonight to give me a sign that my girl is coming home.  In the meantime, I'll keep trying to swim.

the light

I'm just going to re-post news that others posted on their blogs that are listed to the right (but it's definitely information worth repeating at this point!!)  My agency, TDH, received its first referral from Vietnam last week under the new "regular" program.  A Quebec agency, Formons une famille, told its waiting families last week that some families whose dossiers were sent to Vietnam in spring 2012 (as mine was) may have been matched recently, but they cannot confirm this until they receive official referrals from the DA.  That agency has also been asked to submit new dossiers.

I feel like I can see the light, but my own words can't explain what that is like after seeing the heart of darkness.  So tonight let's re-JOY-ce with the words of Thich Nhat Hanh--for the families:

"Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.”

and for my girl:

"Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings. By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species. If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth... This is the real message of love.”

hope

Yesterday I returned home from my summer vacation, a cruise on the Holland America Veendam from Manhattan to Bermuda, which is one of my favourite places on the planet.  We sailed out of Manhattan on a perfect Sunday evening, and had an amazing view of the new World Trade Center under construction (black scaffolding around the top), as well as Lady Liberty:

When I think about New York City, images of September 11, 2001, automatically come to mind.  This was my first time being in the city since before 9/11, and I was really moved to see this incredible tower rising high above the skyline.  From the ashes of unfathomable tragedy, this phoenix is rising more than a decade later.  And if something that difficult is possible in the world, it must also be possible that out of my own personal tragedy of having my family taken from me, I will triumph.  I just cannot give up, no matter how long it's been and how hard it is to keep fighting the dark side.

I am happy to be able to report a bit of news from the light side: I returned home to read a post from another Canadian blogger, who wrote that her agency, Formons une famille in Quebec, got its first referral from Vietnam's new program for a child in HCMC.  After years of no news or bad news, good things are actually happening.  They started in Denmark, and they're on their way here.  They are going to keep happening and my agency will get a referral, my dossier will be sent to a province, my girl will be referred to me, I will bring her home, and we will live the life of our dreams together.  This is just how it has to go. Because we've both been through enough, and now it's time for what is good and right.  It's time for love, and not just for us, but for many other children in Vietnam who need it, and for their families who keep dreaming that it's possible.