on the top of my Mount Everest, finally able to exclaim into my oxygen mask a quote like this one:
"I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy." -Tony Robbins
But instead this is where I am:
feeling tired and frustrated, like a salmon swimming upstream to spawn... for the past 68 months. I know that this week is the crash after last week's high of learning about the first few referrals out of Vietnam. I also know, after surviving what I did in 2009, that I can get through this and pretty much anything else. I'm trying to keep the faith that this journey is leading me to my girl, the one that was always meant to be mine, the one that will allow me to understand why I have to go through all this. But it's really tough to do without any progress in my case or any sense of a timeline. I'm calling on the Dragon God tonight to give me a sign that my girl is coming home. In the meantime, I'll keep trying to swim.
Oh, Karen,I don't know what to say to encourage, help and support you. Only that for the relatively short time I have been in the process I too have suffered loss, highs and lows. Another single woman in the interior of BC that I have only spoken to on the phone, she and I both feel that we, and you, and any other parent (especially single) that is living the the trials and tribulations of the adoption have first hand experience to teach her adopted child about persistance, perseverance, patience, passion and there were more words in my post but I can't remember them. I jokingly refer to them as the "p" words! Then there is always determination! Is there any chance you will hear something in next month's referrals?
ReplyDeleteHi Karen,
ReplyDeleteIt's a very hard journey but I'm sure that at the end of the path your little girl, the one who is meant to be yours, is waiting for you.
I can understand your frustration and tiredness.
I'm sure that you are much higher in the "Everest" moutain than you think.
Courage! You are so closed to the top.
Marie
Waiting for a little child from Vietnam
Hi Karen, it is very very hard! Not sure I have any words of wisdom other than to suggest you read my blog entries leading up to my referral....so read May and June of 2010 and you will find the same kinds of frustations, pain, anger, etc...that you are experiencing and then it can all change very quickly with a phonecall or an email. For me it was important to try to stay calm and keep myself on an even keel, believing and not believing at the same time...it was my way of coping with this process. While my heart was always hoping, I at times had to accept that it might never happen and that would be okay too...I never posted this on the blog, but if I had had to update my homestudy, I had decided to let go. So you see as some have said often when you let go of something it sometimes comes to you. Again it was my way to cope and try to trust that if God wanted a child in my life then it would happen, and if not, it would be okay too!!...I have trying to apply the same feeling to my second child. If it is meant to be, then it will happen, and if not, then I will accept and continue to live my life and continue to love Matteo....he was truly a gift as your child will be. If you will be given this gift then there is nothing more you can do except trust in the hope of the possible!
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