one more day

Yep, one more day, but don't think anything starts to get easy at this point! This morning I went to check in online for my flights tomorrow. I have to do it twice, which is the price to pay for a relatively cheap ticket with no code shares. The first time, with WestJet, it was no problem.  Then I logged onto China Southern Airlines, pressed "check in", and got this message: "ticket can but ten and thirteen", with a square at the end. No, I'm not kidding. Fabulous, I have all the time in the world today to crack a code! If this is any indication of how my travels through China will go, I may need that bottle of calming tonic I packed for Mai.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me good wishes in the past few days. It's difficult to explain all the crazy thoughts and emotions I'm experiencing as the time gets closer. It's basically another roller coaster where one second I'm at the peak of excitement, then I plunge into fear and doubt about whether I can give Mai all the things she needs in life, then I flip upside down through a loop-de-loop, thinking about all the ways my life will change, etc. I also can't describe the stress of trying to get a zillion things done right now--mostly things I should have done earlier, but was paralyzed by the uncertainty of adoption and the fear that I would do them and my girl would never come home. But I figure that even if all the things on my list were done now, I still wouldn't feel ready. It's just getting me prepared to be unready for all the big things to come--Mai going to school, Mai getting bigger, Mai becoming a teenager, and all the things after that. This is how love is. It's scary, so leaps of faith are necesary.

Ultimagely, I think that everything is the way it is at this moment for a reason. Mai and Vietnam are my destiny, and just as I committed to fight every day until I had my family, now I commit to doing whatever it takes every day to give my daughter the amazing life she deserves. It starts tomorrow morning, when I crack the code, hitch a ride half way around the planet with the stork, and become the forever mom to the girl of my dreams.

"One day closer till my number comes
We're gonna keep on burning till the night is gone
It's a long ride home."

-Michael Franti