Vy is for Victory

The war is over, and love won. We are finally home. Tired, bruised and battered, but home. E, if you are reading this in Vancouver, we are so sorry that our itinerary was completely changed and we could not meet you on the way home. We were not able to send you a message before now because our computer was stolen! But we will send you something in the mail from Vietnam. I have much to tell you all about the trip, the country and my girl but first we need a Vietnamese restaurant and some sleep! Stay tuned and thanks for all your support during the craziest of times.

at the beach

It's pretty much impossible to write anything when you're alone in a foreign land with a 5 year old, but a tantrum this morning has opened a small window of opportunity! Vy is wonderful and she has definitely bonded with me and is already giving me alot of trust. I could do without the meltdowns, but they are part of the process. We took the train to Mui Ne for a long weekend, and she is loving the beach, just like her mama. Tomorrow afternoon we return to HCMC for the home stretch. I can't wait to have a normal life at home with my girl!

Still not able to post pictures, but trust me she's cute as a button with a smile that melts my heart!

Vy!

Introducing my beautiful daughter, adopted on August 9, 2013 in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam! Her legal name is Suong Mai, which was given to her by the orphanage director when she was found. I learned when I arrived here that she is Vy (like the letter v). I think her Canadian name will be Mai-Lee Suong Vy, and I will call her what she chooses! She is worth all the years of misery and I'd do it all again for her.

I was going to add a photo here but for some reason, it's just not happening (not a lot here happens easily!!)

Must go be a dinosaur, even though I want desperately to sleep!!

one more day

Yep, one more day, but don't think anything starts to get easy at this point! This morning I went to check in online for my flights tomorrow. I have to do it twice, which is the price to pay for a relatively cheap ticket with no code shares. The first time, with WestJet, it was no problem.  Then I logged onto China Southern Airlines, pressed "check in", and got this message: "ticket can but ten and thirteen", with a square at the end. No, I'm not kidding. Fabulous, I have all the time in the world today to crack a code! If this is any indication of how my travels through China will go, I may need that bottle of calming tonic I packed for Mai.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me good wishes in the past few days. It's difficult to explain all the crazy thoughts and emotions I'm experiencing as the time gets closer. It's basically another roller coaster where one second I'm at the peak of excitement, then I plunge into fear and doubt about whether I can give Mai all the things she needs in life, then I flip upside down through a loop-de-loop, thinking about all the ways my life will change, etc. I also can't describe the stress of trying to get a zillion things done right now--mostly things I should have done earlier, but was paralyzed by the uncertainty of adoption and the fear that I would do them and my girl would never come home. But I figure that even if all the things on my list were done now, I still wouldn't feel ready. It's just getting me prepared to be unready for all the big things to come--Mai going to school, Mai getting bigger, Mai becoming a teenager, and all the things after that. This is how love is. It's scary, so leaps of faith are necesary.

Ultimagely, I think that everything is the way it is at this moment for a reason. Mai and Vietnam are my destiny, and just as I committed to fight every day until I had my family, now I commit to doing whatever it takes every day to give my daughter the amazing life she deserves. It starts tomorrow morning, when I crack the code, hitch a ride half way around the planet with the stork, and become the forever mom to the girl of my dreams.

"One day closer till my number comes
We're gonna keep on burning till the night is gone
It's a long ride home."

-Michael Franti

    

T minus seven!

I'm leaving in a week this morning to get my girl! For soooo many years, I doubted that this would ever happen. Even last week I was wondering if I would ever make it to Vietnam (it's a long, cold swim and my suitcases are heavy). Now I have flights, a hotel, a passport and a visa, so I've got one week to finish packing, work on my house, and freak out about everything coming in my life. It's over-the-moon thrilling that my dream is coming true, but I've also had 6.5 years to think about all the ways I can mess up and things can go wrong! I just have to breathe and believe. Nothing matters except that Mai feels safe and loved.

"Tell me again about the first time you held me in your arms and called me your baby sweet. Tell me again how you cried happy tears."

- Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born, Jamie Lee Curtis

a bad day, then a good book

I thought I had flights for Vietnam, but was I wrong.  The travel agent reserved my round trip and I got the itinerary, but he didn't process my credit card so I don't actually have a ticket. He said he reserved Mai's trip, but I didn't get the itinerary and it wasn't charged either. Before I knew that we didn't have tickets, I received an itinerary change. But the itinerary and the change were sent to me in some application called Tripcase, which I don't understand how to use. The "new" flights I got looked exactly the same as the first ones. But then when I looked at my updated itinerary screen, my flight from Vancouver to Guangzhou was gone! The agent had all day today to fix this; he did reserve Mai's ticket and charged it, but I guess that's it. I asked him contact me before he closed today, but he didn't. So right now I am planning to swim to Vietnam, because there are barely any seats left to Asia in August. Oh, and Mai the 5-year-old is flying to Canada on her own.

Next, I though I had confirmed with the Vietnamese embassy by phone that I could get a 2- or 3-month visitor visa. My trip (for which I don't have a ticket) is only 3 weeks, but the Canadian foreign service workers at missions around the world are in a legal strike position, and they are doing rolling strikes. If the workers in Singapore or Ho Chi Minh City strike while we're waiting for Mai's Canadian documents, our trip home could be delayed. When I applied for my visa on Monday, I enclosed a letter explaining the situation and the phone call. When I got my passport back today, it contained .... wait for it .... a 1-month visa. The chances of needing more than a month are slim, but my problem is this: don't offer me something if you're not going to come through. I have spent the past 6 and a half years of my life dealing with lies, fraud, broken trust, and enough frustration and disappointment for a lifetime. While I realize that officials at the Vietnamese embassy have no idea what my travel agent did, and he has no idea what my agency did, and they have no idea what my doctor did, and on and on, all of it is ridiculous. Why is it unacceptable for me to treat my clients this way, but pretty much everyone associated with adoption can treat people this way and still have a job?

It's days like today that fuel my passion for helping other adopters, so I'll do a bit of that now and cool my jets before bed. Here are some useful things I've learned while preparing for my trip/swim:

- Part 2 of the direct citizenship application and the citizenship certificate application cost a total of CAN$175, which you pay on the CIC website before you leave.
- The passport process for children adopted in Vietnam now costs CAN$260 (temporary passport, regular passport, and notarization of something or other). You can pay by credit card, but you have to fill out a form and pay a 3% surcharge.
- The recommended total to bring as gifts for the orphanage and staff is US$200.  In the case of my agency, the representative deals with the gifts for you.
- Green taxis in Vietnam are more expensive than green and white ones.
- My agency is charging a file administration fee again this year. Nobody knew this for sure, despite many people asking multiple times over the past several months. My friend got the letter today, four months after it was expected, and the money is due on Wednesday. I'm too tired to even add a comment here, but you can imagine.

I'll end on a happy note. I found the perfect single mama (or papa) adoption book: God Found Us You, by Lisa T. Bergren. I ordered it online, figuring that "us" was mom and dad, as usual, and thinking I would just tell Mai that in our family, "us" means me, Nana and Poppa and Auntie's household. But surprise! In this book, Mama Fox always knew that she was part of an "us", but she had to wait for God to find Little Fox. It's such a beautifully written adoption story that single Mama Fox is just the cherry on top!

"I started seeing you everywhere, in the leaves of the giant oak and in the bark of the pine. Even in the stars! Oh, how I longed for the day that you would arrive, when God would find us you."



"I think she prayed like crazy that you would be safe, Little Fox. I think she prayed for me as much as I prayed for her." -LTB

"

appointment with the stork!

Our Giving and Receiving Ceremony is on August 9, 2013!  There is a family from Montreal with my agency who have the same date, so it's nice that we'll share that special moment with some new Canadian friends. My plan right now is to stop working on July 31st, travel around the 4th, take a mini Vietnamese beach vacation in Mui Ne while we wait for paperwork, and head home with my girl around the 23rd. It's a long trip across the date line (in economy class, anyway), so I think we'll stop for a day and night in Vancouver. What better place to introduce Mai to beautiful Canada?

After a week of illness caused by the typhoid shot, this news today was just what the doctor ordered (well, actually my doctor wouldn't see me until August, even though I said I would be gone most of August and needed an appointment before I left). I have so many things to do, but travel trumps everything in my world, so hotel and flight reservations are next! Time to empty the bank account and get really, truly JOYful that it's happening...in 23 days!!!!!

In other good news, my parcel was delivered to Vietnam and I woke up one morning during "Typhoid Week" to the most precious, miraculous photos of Mai looking at my picture for the first time, seeing her forever family, and hugging her new dolly.  I was told that she was "extremely happy", and her smile said it all. I have no words for how I felt looking at her that morning. But it made me think about how life can change in an instant.

There are horrible ones that we don't expect, like when your family abandons you, or your adoption agency steals your child and goes bankrupt. There will always be that kind, in one form or another, and it's devastating and seemingly impossible to make sense of. But if you dig deep and carry on, life will inevitably send you the other kind. It's the miracle, and it has the power to turn your life around, make sense of every moment that came before it, and confirm that everything in your heart was true all along the way.

July 13th was the 4th anniversary of the Imagine bankruptcy. This year, I didn't even realize until I read it a few days later.

"'Tis but the work of a moment."
-Love Actually

a gift and a LONO!!!!!

Yesterday, a family from Ottawa left to complete their adoption in Vietnam, and they are delivering a parcel for Mai! They are so kind to do this when they have so much to carry and think about, and I am eternally grateful.  I kept it as small as possible--a compact photo album, a mini doll and some fairy princess stickers. They will give it to the representative for my agency, and somehow it will be delivered to my daughter. I have no idea if anyone has told her about me yet; in any case, this will be the first time she sees me. Given Mai's age and what she has already been through in her life, I hope and pray that the people who play a part in her transition do so with sensitivity and care.  I wrote in the front of the album "I have loved you for a thousand years, I love you for a thousand more", from the song A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. I don't expect anyone at the orphanage to read English or to translate that. I just hope one day she will read it and understand that we were always meant to be, and I will never leave.

This morning I received my letter of no objection from the Government of Ontario. My social worker sent the request on June 14 (she said it was the fastest LONO request she's ever made, because after so many years of obstacles she's not going to get in my way!). Then I was eating lunch at an outdoor concert downtown with a friend, and a dragonfly came out of nowhere (you don't see them much in concrete jungles with no water anywhere in sight) and landed right beside me! In Vietnam, the dragonfly is a popular cultural image, and on this side of the planet it's a symbol of rebirth or a renewal after a great hardship or loss, so I took this little guy as another sign on another very happy day on the journey to Mai!

Now I'm waiting for a letter of invitation from Vietnam. My agency says that I will travel in about a month. My heart is overflowing with love, my head is spinning with everything I have to do, and the countdown (of the good kind, finally) is ON!

BLOOM!!!!!

After 6 years, 5 months and 11 days of heartache and longing, my life flipped in a moment on June 11, when I got the official news that a beautiful, incredible little girl would finally, FI-NA-LLY be my daughter!!!!! I got the unofficial news on June 5 around 5 a.m., at the airport, by myself (!!), on the way to meet a friend in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. I wanted to shout the news into the microphone for all the strangers waiting at the gate, but nobody would have understood everything that went into that moment, nor would they have cared! Nonetheless, I had the most JOYful vacation, bookended by the two greatest e-mails of my life.  I was all over the map (literally and emotionally!) in Mexico, writing pieces of this post throughout the week. My body has landed back home and signed the acceptance papers, and my mind knows that it's real now, but my spirit is floating somewhere it's never been and I'm not sure it will ever come back down.

My daughter's given names are Mai Suong. Mai means "flower" or "blossom". Suong is the word for "JOY". I have long maintained that I would keep my child's name, since it would be given by her previous family. But I also spent some time secretly hoping that she would be a Mai, because it's my favourite Vietnamese name. I love the sound of the word and I am crazy about flowers, which are Mother Nature's most beautiful work. I also decided years ago that I would add Suong as one of my future daughter's middle names, because Joy is my mom's and my middle name. The fact that Mai Suong was out there under the same moon, waiting for me to be her forever mom, is just one of many miracles in our story.

Mai turned 5 years old on May 21. She lives at Go Vap orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City, where she has been for about a year. I have actually been matched with her since September 29, 2012 (!!), in the special needs stream; but under the new adoption law in Vietnam, "older" is not a special need until a child's 5th birthday. It wasn't as simple as just waiting for May 21--the wait for Mai within the wait for a family was a torturous ride on a roller coaster built on a roller coaster, taken by someone who is terrified of heights--but that no longer matters.

Many moons before last September 29, I was asked if I would consider a certain little girl, who was nameless and faceless to me at the time. There were some unknowns, so I took time to think about it. Until then I had not been comfortable with much risk, but something inside told me that this girl was meant to be mine. I said yes, but then things changed and a match was no longer possible.  I had to survive yet another blow and put my heart back in line. But as the weeks and months went by, I kept thinking about this child. So I asked my agency about her, and learned that if I was willing to wait until her birthday, we could be matched! I agreed, and received an e-mail with the subject MAI SUONG, and photos and videos of the most perfect little flower I have ever seen. My head understood what my heart already knew.

I can't post her picture until after the Giving and Receiving ceremony in Vietnam, but I can tell you that she has a face shaped like mine. Her smile lights up from inside. And in every photo I've seen of her, she's wearing something I could have picked, like pink ruffled pyjamas, pink sandals with watermelons on them, a pink empire waist dress with embroidered flowers and a big bow, a red polka dot sundress wtih shiny buttons. These things belong to the orphanage, but not to worry. She already has enough Gymboree clothes in her closet here to open a store.

The day I got the unofficial news, I arrived in Playa and went for a walk as I waited for my friend.  Around the corner from our hotel, I passed a store called Pacha Mama. Pacha was the middle name I was going to give to the Ecuadoran daughter who was stolen out from under me four years ago. In Mayan languages, Pacha is nature, creation, the universe. I know it's not a coincidence that I learned I was a mom and received a reminder of Pacha on the same day. I believe in signs, and this one was literal! For this Mama, Mai is the universe in a single bloom.

The journey to my family has been something that my worst nightmares couldn't even design. But the deeper the darkness, the brighter the light. My heart is so JOYful right now, I can only describe it as winning the Olympics, the lottery and the Nobel prize all at once. For those reading this who are still waiting, may my story help you have faith that your family is out there, and inspire you to keep fighting for the little one who needs you as much as you need him or her.  I promise you that love wins, if you never stop believing what your heart is telling you.

"At this very moment, the world is blossoming into its infinite variety before falling silent in amazement at the miracle it has just achieved."

-Deepak Chopra

neverending road

All I've got tonight after 6 years, 4 months, 2 weeks and 4 days without my daughter is this!!



“...of all the hardships a person had to face none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.”
-Khaled Hosseini

75 months

Today is my 75-month wait-iversary. One would think that there should be a solid reason why it takes 75 months plus to give a family to a child who needs one. Maybe there are not enough orphans in the world to fill the homes of the waiting parents? Maybe the waiting parents all have evil intentions of trafficking children or using them as servants or removing their organs? Maybe all the waiting parents are using unethical means to arrange adoptions? Maybe all the countries that are turning against adoption are doing so because they can suddenly, magically take care of all their orphans?

There are about 100 million orphans in the world. And that estimate only includes the ones that are known, or fit into someone's arbitrary defnition of "orphan". All the waiting families that I have ever met go through years of personal hell, pay ridiculous fees, give up all privacy and jump through a zillion hoops for the chance to love one of those children. Period. We cannot arrange anything on our own, ethical or not, because the law forces us to use a licensed agency. The system is supposed to regulating those agencies and other stakeholders in sending and receiving countries to make sure they're operating ethically. There are more orphans than ever in the world, but thanks to UNICEF, the Hague Convention and a broken, senseless system, the chances of any of them getting a forever family have become almost impossible. For more on this topic, please watch the documentary Stuck, which is available at www.bothendsburning.org.

Last night, on the eve of 75, I came across a movie called La Misma Luna, the English translation of which is Under the Same Moon. For obvious reasons, I was drawn in by the title. Although it isn't a film about adoption, it was just what I needed to see. This is a movie about a single Mexican mother who is working illegally in the United States to give her son back home a better life. She always tells Carlitos that no matter how far away she is, they are still under the same moon. He is too young to understand why they cant't be together, and he begins to wonder whether she loves him. When his grandmother dies, he runs away to find his mother, and along the way he meets his biological father and a few people who help and care for him like he is their own child. I loved everything about this movie, but I was really moved by all the different kinds of love shown to Carlitos by the people in his life, his mother's commitment to him, and his need to be protected and guided in her absence. I came away feeling inspired, imagining my daughter dreaming of family under the same moon, praying for her protection while we're apart, and believing that somehow, against all odds, my love will bring her home.

the desert

The desert will rejoice, and flowers will bloom in the wastelands.

-Isaiah 35

Denmark, Spain and U.S.

I just wanted to let you know what I found this morning because, at this point, everyone is really discouraged and needs any reason at all to keep the faith. The Danish agency Danadopt's latest post is that one of its families has accepted a referral from Bac Kan province (although there is no indication whether it is from the regular or special needs list).  Also, the Spanish agency Creixer Junts has posted that it received one referral from Vietnam in February (again, no idea as to which list), and added (translation by Google and I):

"In Vietnam we are hoping that we receive the quota for 2013. We believe that we will receive it in March. From our existing cases we only have 3 families waiting for older children. In April we will travel to that country to see about the possibility of completing those cases." (good luck to them...if it's that easy why isn't everyone doing this?)

As I have mentioned once before, my agency said long ago that there are no more quotas, so I don't understand why other agencies keep waiting for them. Maybe my agency is the only one that will not be given quotas? I don't know why this would be, especially since the new system is supposed to regularize the process across the board.

While I was away, I read (thanks to free wifi in the jungle) that U.S. authorities met with the Vietnamese government and announced that adoptions between the two countries should resume shortly after a shutdown several years ago. A few weeks ago, I wrote about a similar announcement from Ireland. I don't know what these countries are basing their predictions on, but I do know that there are still *thousands* of families from Canada, Spain, France, Italy and Denmark who have been waiting our turn for years and years. I also know that Canada, at least, is still stuck in round 1 after all this time, and that, based on the speed of round 1, all the other rounds from our country and all the others certainly won't be completed "shortly" to make room for new applicants or "new" (aka not currently operating) countries.

Here's hoping that jabiru delivers some JOY-ful news our way in March 2013.

back from Belize

I just returned from an incredible vacation in beautiful Belize, and I brought back some good news. No, not the JOYful news I'm waiting for, but it's all pointing in that direction.

First, after watching for the stork for more than six years, I found him in Crooked Tree, Belize. In fact, I found lots of them--enoughfor all the waiting parents I know. My stork, the bird on the right in the photo below, is the endangered jabiru. He has an average wing span of 8-10 feet, which he will need to carry my girl across an ocean and half way around the world to me.

Second, 13--as in 2013--is not the unlucky number that we know in our culture. In the Mayan culture, which has existed in Central America for thousands of years, this number is sacred. For the Mayans, 13 is the galactic prime number and the key to time itself. They believe that there are 13 levels of heaven where sacred gods ruled the earth; these include the god of love and childbirth, and the gods of light, birth and dawn. Despite my paralyzing fear of heights, I climbed to the top of the temple below at the ruins of Lamanai and asked the gods to send me my girl this year.

After my mainland tour, I spent three days on an "unbelizeable" island called Half Moon Caye. The next photo is the full moon at dusk on my last night on a perfect moon-shaped island. Obviously I believe that the moon and stars have a central part in my adoption story, and this photo captures an amazing moment when I felt very connected to my girl, and amazed by the beauty of the universe. Between the vegetation and the ocean, there are giant round sea turtle nests where mamma turtles will return after crossing the ocean to lay their eggs under the stars. I wondered that night if the tide was turning on my daughter's side of the planet to bring her across a different ocean to the nest where she was always meant to be. I'll never know, but I do know that someday I will bring her to this island, to experience the magic of my new favourite place in the world.

I could go on and on about the wonders of Belize, but sometimes another person's words say it best:

To see the world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

-William Blake



notes from the globe

I was looking around today for any signs of life in Vietnam, and found two baffling updates. In Ireland, the two agencies that are licensed to start processing adoptions under the new law held an info session about 10 days ago. Apparently they said that Vietnam will accept their first dossiers in March. Which would mean, in my mind (a fair place) that all the families from all the other countries who were waiting their turn before the 2010 shutdown (and there are 1000s of them) will complete their adoptions before March (i.e., within the next 2 weeks). I'm not even going to entertain that those 1000s of people would be bumped for new dossiers (although I believe there are some Irish families who have been in limbo since Vietnam-Irish adoptions stopped a few years before they stopped for everyone else).

One of the bloggers in France that I follow posted that there are rumours that Vietnam plans to have the "legacy" cases (i.e., those who lost referrals when Vietnam shut down, and those whose dossiers were logged in before the shutdown) completed by June. I don't know if this means just her agency's legacy cases, all of France's legacy cases, or all of them in all receiving countries, but I got the impression that it meant the global ALL. Again, it's just a rumour and the families she knows don't seem to have too much faith in what they are hearing, considering June is just a few months away, there are still many of these cases, and the regular program has barely started moving after all this time.

Also,on the more realistic side, the Canadian agency Children's Bridge indicated in their February monthly update that Vietnam continues to ask if their families will accept special needs children, and that they expect the regular program to remain slow.

I don't mean to discourage people; I just believe that waiting families deserve to know as much information as possible so they can make the best decisions in the circumstances. I don't have any idea how different countries, agencies and families could have such wildly different updates, but this is what seems to happen when a source country is silent.

On a personal note, this has been a long, difficult winter on many fronts so my bags are packed and I'm heading south tomorrow. I hope that I'll return from the islands and jungles of Belize to some JOYful news that good things are happening in the east!

year of the snake

Happy Vietnamese New Year! Chuc mung nam moi! What does the year of the snake hold for me and other rats? There are all kinds of predictions online, so, of course, I picked the best ones:

"Fortunate lucky stars are shining on you in the Year of the Water Snake 2013. A vast improvement from last year 2012. The year 2013 holds out great promises and good things for you as your success luck is high. There’s indication of upward mobility and promotion for many Rat-born. Flanked by not one, but two Big Auspicious Stars from the 24 mountains compass in your Horoscope chart, you can expect to enjoy two significant events or good news in year 2013, usually in the form of sudden opportunities opening up, winning a big award or prize, or boost of income and windfall luck, that will transform your life for the better."

and

"This is a prosperous year for you. Expand and expand. You should stay mobile."

To be honest, I could not care less right now about a promotion or financial boost (I wouldn't say no if they fell into my lap but they're definitely not my focus). But I do I love everything to do with stars, so what could be better than two auspicious ones when I've never needed them more? I have to believe that one of those stars is a referral and the other is the big JOYful event for which I have been waiting, well, forever.

This lunar year, may we see many wishes to the stars come true, much windfall luck, lots of mobile parents and children, and many hearts and families JOYously expanding.

the goal of life

Joy, rather than happiness, is the goal of life, for joy is the emotion which accompanies our fulfilling our natures as human beings. It is based on the experience of one's identity as a being of worth and dignity.

-Rollo May



At this point in my journey, I wake up every morning and fight to make it through each day with the singular goal of JOY. I know with certainty that I am supposed to fulfill my loving nature through adoption. I just wish I could understand why something that is supposed to bring joy into my life brings mostly everything but. Dragon God, if you're still out there, please send my miracle soon. Cảm ơn!!

patience

Upon the heat and flame of thy distemper sprinkle cool patience.

-Shakespeare

part 2: Liebster award

Now that my necessarily cryptic weekly post (see part 1) is up, I can share my exciting news--my blogging friend Elizabeth at My Road to Motherhood has nominated me for a Liebster award!  Thank you Elizabeth, I'm thrilled and honoured, and I feel the same way about your blog.  You write so openly and honestly about a journey that has thus far been very difficult, and I really appreciate knowing that I'm not alone in some of the things I have experienced. You are actually one of the people who inspire me to keep writing!

I had never heard of this award until I won it, but I think it's a wonderful way to connect more people expressing important things in the blogsphere. Liebster recipients are asked to do the following:

• post 11 things about yourself
• answer the 11 questions posted by the person who nominated you
• nominate 11 new blogs (or less if 11 is not possible)
• post 11 questions for those winners to answer

A more thorough explanation is posted at My Road to Motherhood.

11 things about me

1)  I have lived in all these places: Barrie, Ontario; Greenwood, Nova Scotia; Ottawa, Ontario; Lennoxville, Quebec; Villefranche-sur-mer, France; Jasper, Alberta; North Bay, Ontario; Hickory, North Carolina; and Brampton, Ontario.

2)  I love to travel and have been to many places across Canada and the U.S., as well as France, Spain, Italy, Monaco, Switzerland, England, Mexico, Bermuda, Bahamas, Jamaica, Barbados, St. Martin, Domincan Republic, Puerto Rico, U.S. and British Virgin Islands, Cayman Islands, Turks and Caicos, and Costa Rica.

3)  I have had a tattoo of mother earth on my ankle since I was 19 year old.

4)  I have degrees in French Studies, Teaching English as a Second Language, Education, and a college diploma in Media Communications.

5)  My car's name is Amalita Amalfi, after a character who appeared in one Sex and the City episode.

6)  I honestly love my job.

7)  My new favourite tv show is HBO's Girls, and I think Lena Dunham is my long lost sister!

8)  I love playing acoustic guitar (although I think I am a horrible singer!)

9)  My favourite singer/songwriters right now are Michael Franti, Colbie Caillat and Taylor Swift.

10)  My favourite movies of all time are Love Actually and Slumdog Millionaire.

11)  I believe that I was not put on this planet to lead a conventional life, but I was put here to adopt fur and human children.

Elizabeth's questions for me

1)   What is your favourite book/author?

The Curse of the Singles Table by Suzanne Schlosberg.

2)   Do you have any pets?  If yes, info (type and name) and pictures if you are willing.  If no, would you like one and what kind.

I have a cat named Bebe Gatita (gatita = kitten in Spanish), a 6-yr-old domestic shorthair dilute tortie. She is my third cat, after Fellinita Principessa Muccia Prada and Minou (Mimi), all adopted one way or another. Adopt a homeless pet, you'll both be glad you did!!  I love dogs too, and someday I may add more fur orphans to my family.

3)   Name one place you would like to visit. 

Vietnam! In the meantime, I'm going to Belize in February. My dream is to see Hawaii.

4)   Do you have a favouite app (phone, ipad, or if you don't have anything "i", an edible appitizer)?

I am years behind in the technology department! I recently got an android tablet and I only have a few apps, but I'm looking forward to putting kids' books and games on it so that I don't have to lug to Vietnam a suitcase full of that stuff.

5)  Tell about a surprise in your life.

Winning a Liebster!  This is my first award as an aspiring writer (I'm already a writer/editor by profession, but my dream is to write a book about adopting my daughter, so an award-winning adoption blog is a good start!)

6)  What was your favourite childhood activity?

Figure skating.

7)  Tell about something you have learned, anything from anytime.

Deep inside us, we have reserves of emotional strength that we could never have imagined.  I'll put that and everything else I've learned over the past six years in my book!

8)  What stresses you out?

Anything and everything related to child adoption.

9)   What are three words would your family and friend use to describe you?

Introverted, smart, funny.

10)  White wine or red wine?

Red, because something in white keeps me up all night.

11) A wish you have

To meet my daughter.

my Liebster nominees and their questions

Here's where things get a bit complicated! Nearly all of the blogs I follow are in French, and I don't know how comfortable the bloggers are with English. So I'll post below my questions in English, then I'll send them in French to the winners, along with the info about the Liebster. If they respond, I'll post their names and links!

1) Name one thing you are passionate about.
2) When are you happiest?
3) Who inspires you?
4) If you could be anything, what would you be?
5) What do you know for sure?
6) If you won the lottery, who or which cause would you help and why?
7) Tell me one interesting thing about you.
8) Where is your favourite place in the world?
9) Tell me one of the reasons you were put on the planet.
10) Who would play you in a movie?
11) What would the movie be called?

part 1: faith

Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark.

-Rabindranath Tagore

inner chaos

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.

-Nietzsche

joy

There is nothing you can see that is not a flower; there is nothing you can think that is not the moon.

- Matsuo Basho

new year and waitiversary

Today year SIX of the wait for my daughter begins. Since it's much too traumatic (and I don't use the word loosely) to think about that, I'll just focus on the positive and put down a few thoughts about 2012 and 2013. I survived 2012, thanks to travel, mother nature, a new kayak and a bit of magic. September 29 was a magical day that topped all the others (I'll tell you about it someday), but another great day was the one I spent sea kayaking in Somerset Bay, Bermuda. On this frigid January 1st in Ottawa, where the snow is piled up to my roof, this photo taken on that mostly perfect day in Bermuda (the only thing that was missing was my girl) warms my heart. I can't wait until the day I can finally show my daughter my island love.

I have hope for 2013. I believe that 13 is my lucky number, that my stars are aligning right now, and that my girl will finally, finally be coming home this year. While I wait for the magic, I need the things that keep me going, i.e., travel, nature and a kayak. So I'm planning a February eco-adventure in Belize! I will meet my group in Belize City, then we will visit Mayan pyramids in the mountains, hike in the jungle at the Crooked Tree bird sanctuary, snorkel at the Blue Hole of Belize, and camp and kayak at Lighthouse Reef atoll (base camp photo below).

Besides Belize, there's not much I know for sure going into 2013. But there is one very important thing: I am one step closer to my girl. So this song, One Step Closer to You by Michael Franti and Spearhead, is for her today. It helped bring a little friend of mine home from Ethiopia last year, and now it's time for Michael to work a little magic in Vietnam. For those of you also waiting to adopt, you know--either first hand or through stories like mine--that it takes too long, it's too hard, and the risk of someone stealing your dream is too high. But if your heart tells you that your child is out there waiting, pick yourself up and follow through, because she needs you as much as you need her. I wish you a happy new year and a miracle.

I've been down for far too long

Till my faith was nearly gone

I never knew somebody just like you

Could be a friend I could call my own

Till I let go of a broken heart

I let go to an open heart

I let go of my broken dream

I let go to the mystery

And I believe in the miracles

I believe in the spiritual

I believe in the one above

I believe in the one I love

And take one step closer to you

I just take one step closer to you

Even when I've fallen down

My heart says follow through

I take one step closer to you

                                 - Michael Franti